Merging Cultures, Motherhood, and Code: A Developer’s Perspective

Merging Cultures, Motherhood, and Code: A Journey in Tech

Every day, I write code, juggle parenting, and navigate the delicate space between two cultures. As a first-generation immigrant from India and a working mom in the software development world, I often feel like I’m walking a tightrope—balancing heritage, ambition, and the relentless pace of modern technology.

Straddling Two Worlds

My upbringing in India instilled in me the values of perseverance, humility, and family. These values remain deeply rooted in me. But working in the U.S. tech industry demands a different rhythm—one that prizes self-promotion, rapid learning, and continuous reinvention. I often find myself bridging these worlds, trying to merge the groundedness of where I come from with the boldness and velocity of the industry I now work in.

This is not just a personal adjustment; it’s a constant mental shift. It means honoring where I came from while building a professional identity that fits into an entirely different ecosystem.

The Missing Women in Core Engineering

I don’t live in Silicon Valley, and perhaps that’s why I don’t often see women like me—working moms with years of experience in core development roles. While I see more women in testing, product management, or design, I rarely come across others who remain deeply embedded in software engineering, architecture, or infrastructure roles after a certain stage in life.

It’s not hard to guess why. Development—especially in backend or systems-level engineering—demands time, mental energy, and constant skill upgrades. Add parenting, household responsibilities, and cultural integration to the mix, and the load can become overwhelming. The result? Many drop out, shift careers, or choose roles that offer more flexibility but less technical depth.

And while I respect all paths, I miss the presence of peers in engineering who share my journey. I wonder what might have been different if our industry better recognized and supported this kind of career arc.

The Unspoken Pressure to Keep Up

In software, staying still often feels like falling behind. New frameworks, languages, cloud platforms, AI advancements—everything evolves rapidly. For developers, learning is not optional; it’s part of the job description.

But for someone managing a family and integrating into a new culture, the time and headspace for upskilling is precious and limited. Late-night learning, weekend experiments, and fragmented time become the norm. And sometimes, it feels like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough.

This pressure—silent yet ever-present—is a major reason why many women quietly step away from deep technical roles.

Why I’m Sharing This

I’ve stayed. I’ve persisted—not because it’s easy, but because I want to show that it’s possible. I’m not trying to be a superhero. I simply want to be an encouraging example for women who want to remain in the development track, who love to build and solve problems, and who are looking for signs that it can be done.

If you’re a working mom, a first-generation immigrant, or someone feeling isolated in your tech journey—I see you. Your path is valid. Your experience matters. And your contribution is needed.

We don’t talk enough about the intersection of motherhood, culture, and software development. It’s time we did. Because the more we share, the more we support each other, and the less alone we feel in this journey.

Let’s keep going.